Doubt

God's call to action in our lives is invigorating. There is no stronger pull out of bed and into the cold morning darkness than a day of pursuing His work....and knowing what that is! The emotional high that comes from connection with God and the pursuit of His plan is extraordinary. We move with laser-like focus and assume we always will. Then, out of the blue, it hits.

Doubt.

Oh, how I thought the hard part was determining what God was trying to tell me. If I can only hear Him clearly, I'll know what to do. Then I'll do it. The End. Yeah, right.

For several months I have pursued God's vision of establishing a school in Africa. I've done it cautiously and at a tortoise's pace, but I have moved. I have not doubted.....until several days ago. The process of thinking through the details had me second-guessing myself over and over again. That old saying, "The devil is in the details," comes to mind! My passion suddenly gave way to planning and practicality. Yes, I know those are vital components to a well-run project. But there are times we have to balance faith and control. We have to walk without clearly seeing the path. We walk by faith, not by sight. It can be hard.

I sat with my devotional and my Bible in front of me. It was one of those doubt-filled mornings and I needed some inspiration. My devotional has relentlessly inspired me for months, and I was certain this day would be no different. I read the day's words. Nothing. I pored over the day's Scripture. No sparks. All I could do was share my heaviness with God, and wait. I prayed. Father, I am not at all feeling good about this. Is this really what you want for me? Do you want me to pursue this school in Africa thing? Did this vision come from you or am I making it up? Are these doubts and distractions an attempt to throw me off course? If they are, Lord, please continue to confirm I am doing the right thing. I just don't know. Please show me. 

I continued to sit, devotional in hand, my heart stuck in the mud. I thought, Well, maybe I'll flip through last month's lessons. They were really good.  I grabbed a chunk of pages between my thumb and fingers and flipped backward through the book. The first place the book fell open was February 29th. It says (and I am NOT making this up):

You are on the right path. Listen more to me and less to your doubts. I am leading you along the way I uniquely designed just for you. Therefore, it is a lonely way, humanly speaking. But I go before you as well as alongside you, so you are never alone. Do not expect anyone to understand fully my ways with you, any more than you can comprehend my dealings with others. I am revealing to you the path of Life day by day, moment by moment. As I said to my disciple Peter, so I repeat to you: Follow Me.

Uh, God, this really doesn't cut it, but......thank you?

Doubt throws us off course so well. Maybe it is also an indication we are headed in the right direction. Whatever your path, wherever God leads you, and whenever doubt strikes, there is a set of directions that never fails. You won't find them on Mapquest, but commit them to memory because you'll never be lost.

Follow Me.